Last week Thursday we were invited by the lovely people of Total Exposure to witness Comedy Central’s Roast of AKA, at Teatro, Monte Casino. Before I speak about the wonderful roast let me take this moment to state what I did not like most:
- I could not understand why Total Exposure offered Zeeba 1 ticket to the Roast. What do they suppose one person does on their own at a function… yes there were other media personnel that I’m acquainted to and some are friends, but going to an event alone is not ayoba. Never Ayoba.
- And who in the hell came up with the idea of a tiny red carpet for the Roast. We had the tiniest red carpet/booth I’ve ever seen in the 7 years I have been doing this. There was no space to move, no space to take photos and no adequate space for interviews. We were basically squashed and stepping on each other. Nxaa!
- Time, time time. I can’t stress this enough. The Roast did not start on the scheduled time, it started almost two hours later. I was not impressed.
- As if the above mentioned were not enough, when I went to the bar (La Toscana) to ask for a soft drink I was told I needed to pay for one. So, I went back to Total Exposure staffers for clarity, they told me to show the waiter(s) my wristband and that soft drinks are on the house… I went back to the waiter, explained myself to her and the waiter still refused, instead this time around she asked me to wait for her manager and that was the time I decided to leave. Don’t get me wrong, I could buy myself any soft drink, but I did not have my wallet with me and that it is tradition for media personnel to be catered for… I guess I was wrong.
And those were the things I did not enjoy about the show. As the title says the Roast is not for sensitive readers (viewers) here’s what we can recall about the roast. The Roast panel was made of, Pearl Thusi, Papa Penny, Francois Van Coke, Davido, Moshe Ndiki, AKA, Joey Rasdien, Moonchild Sanelly and Mark Fish.
Jason Goliath was the host. He made jokes about almost everyone at the theatre, He told Lasizwe that if he could have 2 bottles of Carling Black Label he would definitely give him a time of his life and after he’s done with him Lasizwe would nothing to do thick dick. He would want p*ssy. Jason was praising how big his d*ck is. He told Riky Rick that he makes car guard uniform look cool. Just to recall a few.
Pearl Thusi was the official Shows host and before she could make fun of anyone else, she started with herself. She made fun of the fact that she seems to have a love for sport commentators; she first started dating Walter Mokena (baby daddy) and thereafter Robert Marawa. She said her vagina probably speaks a sporting language by now. Fun was made of her acting, apparently it’s bad. She was advised to take acting classes.
Mark Fish shem.. The Mark Fish Challenge gained the most spotlight on jokes. Jokes of his problem with substance and alcohol abuse were popular amongst the panel.
Most people did not understand why Francois Van Coke was part of the panel. They felt he was not famous enough.
The same was echoed for Moonchild Sanelly.
Nina Hastie’s vagina took a beating from everyone. She was told it does not matter how many black men she sleeps with she will always be a white girl from Boksburg.
Bra Joey Rasdien was reminded of his ailing comedy career and his small penis.
Davido ‘s father was accused of nepotism and favoritism, they claimed Davido’s tertiary qualification are bought by his Dad and that his father is the only person that buys his CDs.
Moshe Ndiki for the love of dick.
Papa Penny, for his hair, failing marriage and horrible music.
And finally jabs were taken by The Roast master himself, his small penis suffered some insults, his stinking attitude, Bonang’s stones and so not great career that was frequently compared to Cassper Nyovests.
The Roast is a nice place to be, it takes life’s situations and turns them to jokes.
The Roast of AKA will premier on Comedy Central in March 11 and Showmax on 12 March.
Moshe Ndiki’s photo supplied